Words we should reconsider before saying
If you are an adult, talk like an adult, please.
If you are a regular reader of my work, you know I am a student of words, the spoken and written language of people. I always try to be observant of new words and phrases that find their way in the lexicon of speech. I can definitely relate with Paul Rudd’s character in this movie. Warning: mild language.
Like this character, I am sensitive to the use of words. Sometimes I find phrases that I like and some I find problematic. For your consideration, here are some to consider using sparingly and a few to drop altogether.
It is what it is
I have found this phrase to be interesting. It is an acknowledgement of something that is unchangeable. I have used this phrase a great deal. But recently I have started reconsidering this phrase. It’s easy to use as a reflex in certain situations, but it implies something greater. Either something cannot change, or something or someone will not change by choice. What we should consider in that moment is what is unchangeable, the situation itself or ourselves. If I find myself in a it is what it is situation, I consider who truly what is inflexible or if am I using it to avoid personal responsibility. Think about that before using it.
I was triggered
Dippy dopey woke culture has introduced many new words to the lexicon of western speech. Most of the words I outright reject because they reek of social justice propaganda and socialist victim mentality. But the one phrase that may seem to stick with us is I was triggered. If there ever was a phrase that screams I am a victim it is I was triggered. People throw phrase around in a form of virtue signaling in everyday conversation and on social media.
The only time you should ever use this phrase is if you are talking to your therapist or in a group therapy session. Otherwise, you are just painting a façade of virtue for social recognition or status. Our culture is currently encouraging victimhood, and many are making careers out of it, and this is their go to phrase.
First, your triggers are your personal responsibility. Believe it or not, most people aren’t mind readers or empaths, nor do they know your life story. If something does come up in a conversation that does trigger some childhood or personal trauma, the adult thing to do is to pull that person or group of persons aside and explain it, but don’t expect a parade for your victimhood. If someone pulls me aside and tells me about something traumatic that’s happened in their life and feel comfortable enough to share that with me, I will be a decent human being and consider their feelings the next time that subject is mentioned.
Second, if you are so emotionally unstable that talking about a subject causes you such distress, you need to seek professional help. I am saying this in the kindest way. If people can’t talk about any particular subject in your presence because of your overwhelming feelings, then the problem is with you, not them. People shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around anyone. It’s clear that your emotional scars are not healed and require further treatment. It happens and its just part of life. If this is you, accept the responsibility for it.
As I often tell my children, feelings are not logical. Sometimes you feel things and you don’t know why. Sometimes our feelings don’t make sense. If you can’t control your emotions or they get so overwhelming that it effects your behavior, you should talk to a doctor. The stigma about this is changing in our culture for the good. If this article is triggering you, I suggest you get some help. Otherwise, put your big boy or girl panties on and get out there and live in the real world where only your mama cares about your feelings.
I did a thing
If you want to identify as a narcissist in the first line of a social media post or message, use this phrase. I guarantee you that people will know it’s all about you. Making this narcissistic announcement will truly show the depth (or lack thereof) of your character. To me, it’s probably the most childlike statement an adult can make. It’s the equivalent to saying you made a number two. Just stop. Just say what you did and move on with your life.
The new normal
If you are using this phrase, then you have accepted your propaganda programing from the government. It’s a phrase that popped up during the pandemic. I never acclimated to using this phrase. My irreverent and sarcastic mouth often echoed when hearing this phrase following: the new inconvenience, the new overreach, or the new compliance. It was a phrase that was adopted to get people to accept things that they should have resisted to begin with, and now we know those rebellious instincts proved to be true. Nothing different is normal. Nothing new is normal. Anything other than normal is change, and the rest is propaganda.
Uh huh, No worries
If someone says “Thank You” replying uh huh is so rude and lame unless you’re an uncouth teenager. It’s rude because you aren’t acknowledging that person’s appreciation for whatever kindness you’ve bestowed upon them.
Also, saying no worries back basically says what you did had no value, no purpose or meaning, as if you had nothing better to do with your time. Don’t devalue yourself or your time. Just say you’re welcome. In the words of the late and great Lemmy Kilmister of Motorhead “Good manners don’t cost nothing.”
Irregardless
It’s not a word. Stop using it. Just say regardless like someone who is learned with at least a high school education. It’s not cute either. Stupid isn’t sexy.
Don’t say what you would do
Every time I hear someone say, “you know what I would do” or “you know what I would have done”, I mentally recoil and wince. Unless you are living the same life coupled with the same life experiences, you don’t know that you would do anything different. It’s an arrogant assumption that you know better.
Most of the time when people must make decisions, especially during intense situations, maybe life and death ones, it’s usually based on instinct in the heat of the moment. Depending on your personal fight or flight response, your personal reflex might be to duck or throw a punch. People and their dispositions to conflict vary greatly, and most times a person’s faith plays a major factor as well. And hindsight is 20/20. Remember, you are hearing the details after the fact with no pressure involved.
When watching documentaries about World War II and seeing the images of people being loaded into to rail cars to be sent to concentration camps, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say they wouldn’t have let that happen to themselves. It’s a comment of majorly ignorant proportions considering that running in that moment guaranteed getting shot and no future potential of escape. The only way you can prevent some thing like that happening to you personally is to be an armed citizen.
But when someone puts a gun in your face many things fall away in that moment. Your ego, your personal illusions of control over your life, and everything you thought was a priority. Every second of life becomes very precious when the possibility of your perceived inventory of time potentially becomes mere seconds. Staring down the face of death or uncertainty you will choose whatever you think will extend those seconds to minutes, days to years. Just don’t assume you know what you would have done. You might have done the exact same thing.
The bible is replete with warnings about our words.
Proverbs 10:19 ESV When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.
Proverbs 15:4 ESV A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
Proverbs 21:23 ESV Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.
Psalm 141:3 ESV Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth keep watch over the door of my lips!
Matthew 15:11 ESV it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.
1 Peter 3:10 ESV For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit;
Colossians 4:6 ESV Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
Other thoughts
Christians are notorious for our go-to phrases. I found this interesting article about 10 cliches Christians should stop saying. I found it interesting and thought I would share it. Its not an endorsement, but certainly something to mentally chew on if you’re interested in additional reading.
https://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/ten-cliches-christians-should-stop-saying/
I am playing the part of a hypocrite here because I am guilty of saying most of these things as well. As I have gotten older, I catch myself saying these things and try to walk it back most times. You live and you learn, and this is just one of those things. In our subconscious brain, we do want to conform and language is one of those things we tend to do first. First we say it and then we act on it. Think about that and you will find it to be true. Of course, I could be wrong, but it’s just my opinion from the bottom end.